X Character Profiles
by Double
Summary: In depth analysis of the personality of each character in X. Some will contain shounen ai. New chapter: Sakurazuka Seishirou, Stage I, mostly from Tokyo Babylon
1. Nataku

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_**X Character Profile **_

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_** Nataku**_

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A pretty doll . . . how many times had they said that about him? He often heard them whispering when he was "asleep".

Nataku, he hated this name, because it stands for something that only has a body, not a soul. And because of this name, he did not even know whether what he felt was hate. Any empty body without a soul could not feel hate, nor love, or any other emotions. They often said that too.

They thought that he could not hear anything while he was "asleep". Even he did not know how he heard them. Their voices sounded like deep chanting of ghosts in a nightmare that was slowly making him believe the impossible.

They thought that they were loving him. They did not know that their "love" was poisoning him. He did not need their love, the kind of love that was used on a pretty doll.

Everywhere was cold around him. Fluid, glass cylinders, metal, wires . . . Those were his "mother", what that created him.

Then shouldn't he be just like those, cold and lifeless? Then why was he given a life? No, not a life, only half of it. He knew he could never feel anything deeper than physical pain. Sometimes that is even impossible. He was living. He was living in nothingness. He was empty.

Just like they said, no soul, not emotions, nothing but a pretty doll.

He felt empty.

No, he said to himself, he was empty.

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Sometimes when he "fell asleep", he "dreamt" that he had a mother and father. It was so real that he could practically touch them. But he knew they were not his. They were Kazuki's, the girl whom he was created according to.

Who was he? They said that he was created so that Kazuki could "live", but why was he called Nataku?

Because Kazuki and Nataku were different. Kazuki had parents and warmth, something Nataku would never have, and until Nataku finds his own mother and father, he would always be Nataku.

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"Nataku."

They were calling him again. Each time he heard that name, it reminded him that he did not have a soul. He must be empty.

"Nataku."

He must be emotionless.

"Nataku, is there no way that you could ever feel emotions?"

He was the first person who smiled at him, a smile so alike to the one Kazuki's father gave to Kazuki. So he was also the first person who called him Kazuki.

Kazuki . . .

It meant that he had a soul, just like everyone else, didn't it? Somehow he liked being called Kazuki. He knew that "Kamui" was not calling the girl whom he was created according to, nor Nataku, the doll.

He was just calling out to him.

So he followed that voice. He did whatever he was told. Perhaps somewhere in his "heart", he knew that he was still a doll, but now, at least he had something he wanted. Just to be called Kazuki, just to stop being Nataku.

He knew that, and only that. The rest of the world meant nothing to him, as he meant nothing to them.

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She told him that he had emotions, only that he thought he did not have any. Was that true? He lay in the debris, brunt everywhere, but he did not care.

She was the first person who told him that he was not empty.

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He saw her again. He did not wan tot kill her. He did not know why. A slight discomfort in his chest made him so. It did not feel good.

But he had to fight. "Kamui" told him so. He called him Kazuki.

He tried to chase her away, so that he would not need to fight her anymore.

But she smiled, and told him once again that he had emotions, and a heart. A kind heart. She told him that he was only a child. He did not understand, but he wanted to believe her, that what she said was correct.

She smiled again, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was surprised, but did not pull away. She was warm.

She told him that Kazuki's grandfather loved him. He could not understand. Love was only a word to him, like all others. They hardly mean anything. She also said that he loved "Kamui". She called him Kazuki, so he wanted to believe her.

And then "Kamui" came, and said that his wish had changed.

He protected her instinctively, but "Kamui" told him not to. He called him Kazuki. But she did too. He did not want to let her die, but "Kamui" wanted that. He wanted to stay with "Kamui"; he wanted her to live.

The discomfort in his chest grew, heavier and heavier that he found it suffocating. Was that . . . pain? But he was not injured. It felt different form bleeding.

"You feel confused, and do not know what to do. That's because you have a heart! That's because you are a human being with emotions! Kazuki!"

His heart beat a little faster. The pain was still there, but was slowly overshadowed by the warmth his beating heart provided. He felt warm. He had a heart.

"So just do what this heart tells you to."

He must protect her, then he must defy "Kamui". He did not want to see them fighting, because she would definitely die. What if . . .

Yes, he would keep protecting her, and then "Kamui" would kill him. He was willing to sacrifice his life just that she could live a bit longer; he was willing to die in "Kamui's" hands. He only wanted to die in "Kamui's" hands, because "Kamui" was special to him.

It is always the best to die in the hands of someone you love. Only then, will you totally belong to that person.

He saw tears welling up in her eyes. Tears that she shed for him. Nobody ever did that. He knew his death was worth it, even if it hand just been for a few drops for tears.

His "dreams" returned to his mind, and he could hear Kazuki calling out to her mother. Now he had finally found her, and also the warmth that a mother could bring. It was enough. He knew his life was not empty anymore.

"Kamui's" hand punctured through his chest the next minute.

Tears flowed out of her eyes, unstoppable. Hs smiled. Someone was crying for him, for his death. He felt happiness, even if it hand lasted only the last few seconds of his life.

"Thank you."

Thank you for telling him that he had a heart' tank you for telling him that he could feel' thank you for making him feel; thank you for the tears that you shed.

Thank you for everything.

He was sure that she could understand what he meant, what he tried to say.

He smiled, and closed his eyes.

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Sometimes, death is a relief, especially when you could die in the ands of the one you love most; when you died protecting the one most important to you.

He was created without emotions. At least he died with them. It was more than enough.

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People may say that he was cruel, for destroying so many lives. People may say that he was too gullible, for trusting someone like "Kamui". They say that only because they have warmth, so they can never understand how it feels to be without it. When you have nothing, you will accept anything near warmth that someone offers you. Even if you know he is lying.

It did not matter to him what was right or wrong. He just followed that warmth, wanted that warmth. Others do not have the right to criticize him, for wanting the warmth that would lead him to destruction. That was the only ting the whole human race gave him. Those people who criticized him never gave him anything.

He was allowed to be a little selfish, wasn't he?

There were so many people out there, and all of them expected him to be emotionless, so he became emotionless. They never showed him how to love, so he never knew it. No one saw the need to teach him. They thought he could learn by himself.

But he was only a child.

If only someone showed him some kindness, then maybe he would not have died this way; the short period of warmth he received would not have made so deep an impact in his heart, making him willing to die for it.

But then, his love would not have been half as pure.

He finally felt what others thought was impossible for him – love. Actually, he always had it in him. People just did not care neoguth to see it.

When he died, he did not know her name. When he died, he did not even know the real name of "Kamui", nor who he really was.

Yet he loved them, and that was more than enough.

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	2. Monou Saya

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_**X Character Profile**_

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**_Monou Saya_**

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"If there really is hell, then I'm sure I will be going there. But no matter what others say, I am still very happy."

She was a woman filled with sins. Her husband loved her, and she had a perfect family with two adorable children. What more could a woman want? But she had always been lying. She married Monou Kyougo because of love, because of her loved for someone else. She lived her whole life for that someone, and even died for her, but all the time she had the option of living a simple life, a life on one would be unsatisfied with. Why didn't she choose it?

Just because Magami Tooru was special? She chose death over living just because that one person was special to her?

It sounds like an ideal example for romanticism, but how many people are willing to do that? Is it bravery or stupidity? There is but a fine line between these two, and nether option is totally correct, or absolutely wrong. There is no definition.

But she was glad that she could die in place of Tooru. Even if she would go to hell, she was happy. Everyone has the right to do what they think would make them happy, as long as it does not harm others. She could see into the future, but only the future related to Tooru. She had seen this coming. She could have run away, and easily escape it. But she chose to die. She had the right to choose to die. She was happy to die.

Didn't she feel guilty?

She would be leaving her family behind. Her son was only eleven years old, and her daughter at ten. Just the day before she died, her daughter held her hand tightly and told her not to go anywhere. Just the moment before she died, her husband told her that he had known her love was with someone else even before they got married. But he still married her, because he loved her. It was impossible to not feel guilty.

But she had to die for Tooru, or else there was no point in her living anymore. She knew that she was born for Tooru, and would die for Tooru.

She was a woman filled with sins. She was a woman filled with happiness.

Everyone thought that they could choose their own future. She thought so too.

But their destiny was foreordained.

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	3. Sumeragi Hokuto

**_X Character Profile_**

**_Sumeragi Hokuto_**

……………………………**_Part I_**…………………………

"H . . .H . . .Hokuto-chaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!"

I watched as Subaru turned a vivid shade of red upon my remark. He hadn't really changed much from when he was young, but whether it was a good or bad thing, I wasn't sure. Yet there was something that would never change. He would always be my little twin brother.

Of course he made a better model now that he was all grown up. Physical wise.

"Ne, Sei-chan, promise me that you won't bully Subaru in the future, or as a sister-in-law, I will literally hunt you down!" I made a fake serious face.

"Of course! How can I ever bear to hurt my Subaru-kun." He replied and laughed. Now I could even pass Subaru off as a tomato if he had had better clothing on.

Oh, and only I could tease him this way.

With the exception of Sei-chan.

Ever since I first saw Sei-chan, I knew that someday, he would become very special to Subaru, so I kept seeing them up. But in the same time, I could sense that Sei-chan wasn't being his true self, as if he was hiding behind a mask. Occasionally I could catch a glint in his eyes and it made my skin crawl. What I was doing was rather risky, but I was willing to go for it.

I want Subaru to desire something, then work towards owning it, no matter what other people might say. He had already given up on his drams to become a zookeeper because of clan duties, and I did not want to live without a goal; to live just because everyone else wanted him to. Maybe it was because he was too kind, so he often did things that made others happy, while he himself was bleeding inside.

So was kindness a good ting? In a city like Tokyo, being kind meant weakness and prone to pain and betrayal, but that didn't mean that I wanted him to be cruel. I just wished that he could think more about himself, and not get tied down by his own kindness.

That was why I wanted him to love Sei-chan. Love could make someone more selfish and possessive, as love could never be shared. Besides, if he were to love Sei-chan, he would be rebelling against the rules of being a Sumeragi, as Sei-chan was the successor of the Sakurazukamori clan. I wanted to know just how far he would go for love.

But Subaru was so damn shy! If I weren't around, I doubt that he would even have the nerve to speak to Sei-chan. I mean, Subaru won't be doing anything if I weren't around! I had to even prepare what he had to wear everyday, if not, he would only clad himself in black and white. Just disgusting! I had to push him forwards. I was sure that I was correct.

If only I could witness their first kiss . . .Then I would die happy!

With that thought, I sneaked up from behind Subaru and pushed him, blushing furiously and sputtering, into the wide open arms of Sei-chan.

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"Hi! My name is Sumeragi Hokuto. What's your name?"

"Kuzuki. Kuzuki Kakyou."

"Calling you Kuzuki-san is too formal, so can I call you Kyou-chan?"

He finally looked up at me, his golden eyes filled with surprise. He had such beautiful eyes, only that they seemed so sad and tired, tormented by time.

"This is not my dreamscape, that means . . .is this your dream? But why can I enter your dream?"

"Because I want to see someone other than myself. I have always been alone, so I want to see some other people. Anyone is fine."

"How can you say that anyone is fine when such a cute girl is in front of you!? You must be very happy that the person you meet is me, isn't it?"

He smiled. "I am happy."

That was how I got to know Kyou-chan. He was a dreamgazer, so I could only see him in dreams. He was really pleasant, but only a bit quiet, and hard to open up. Eventually, he did, of course. (How could he not with me around!) I loved talking to him, though sometimes it was all me doing the talking. But it felt . . .balanced, in a sort of way. I could talk to him about anything, and he would listen to whatever I would say and seem interested all the time. A few times I found myself almost pouring words out without thinking, making me act like someone I normally wasn't. At last I found someone who didn't find me noisy.

"Ah! I have a twin brother. We look very alike, and he's really cute. But my brother, because of having extremely strong powers and a pure heart, lives in great misery. Unlike me, who knows nothing at all."

"But luckily I have this bit of powers, and enables me to see you!"

I was never really proud, or felt lucky that I had those tiny bits of power. It rarely came into use with Subaru around. But now, I finally knew that my powers were for. I was finally doing something for myself, and not for Subaru (I'm not complaining, though) or fro the whole Sumeragi Clan (this one I am). I rally, really like Kyou-chan, but whether it was love or not, I was not sure. He was definitely in this world (of course!), but being with him always felt as if in an illusion.

But he had one little problem.

He could not get out of his dreams and the small room he lives in and go to the outside world. Bu part of him still longs to be free, yet at the same time, scared of it.

"You have never left here since you were born? Really? Do you wish to be like this yourself? Then I have nothing to say. Ah! It's not? Then it's simple! If you could go out, then where would you go first?"

"As long as it's with Hokuto, anywhere's fine."

"You can't say that anywhere's fine, its' a rare opportunity to be able to have a date in the real world."

"Then, let's go to the beach."

"Ok! We'll go here. This is my favorite beach."

If only that was real . . . If only he could go . . .Someday I would get him out. I must get him out. A dreamscape is beautiful, but it would be even more beautiful if it could come true. Maybe we could just take a little step today, then step by step, I would turn this to reality!

"Come on! Let's go from here, to the 'outside world'."

………………………………….**_Part III_**……………………………..

"Subaru, wake up and look at me. Subaru . . .Subaru!" I called out again and again. But the words made no effect other than shattering my heart as each call echoed in the empty, lifeless room.

I saw my own reflection, crying and crying, in his dull and vacant irises. This was the first time I had cried ever since I grew up. There used to be nothing to cry for. Life was almost perfect. Sad things did happen, but I was often very optimistic. Besides, I had to comfort Subaru too. I had to be strong for him.

But there was not even someone to comfort anymore. There was no support to make me strong anymore. I had never felt so useless, so helpless in my life.

I was submerged in guilt. It was me who prompted Subaru to love Seishirou, in other words, it was because of me that Subaru would be hurt so deeply. Why couldn't I see the real die of Seishirou earlier? Why had I been so sure myself? It was all my fault that Subaru was like this now. I had destroyed both of our lives. I deserve this, but not Subaru . . .

I would do anything so that Subaru would go on living, that maybe hope against hope, Seishirou would love him back, and then he would not be hurt anymore. Let me suffer all the pain in place of him.

Just let him go, please, just let him go.

Just let me cry, maybe just for this one last time, just let me cry.

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"Because you are the Sakurazukamori, and I know that all the preys of the Sakurazukamori will die, you will kill Subaru. But I will never let you hurt Subaru. I will never let you kill him!"

"With your powers, you cannot kill me."

He smiled, but it was so different from the friendly one we were all used to see over the year. Where was the Sei-chan I knew? He never existed. I didn't mind him lying to me, but what about Subaru? Subaru loved him! His love was already so deep that it could kill him.

"I know, but there is a spell that only I can use. I have know the true identify of the Sakurazukamori, so now, just kill me quickly."

"As you wish."

I saw his hand coming for me, the same maddeningly calm smile was still on his face. There was a sickening sound as his hand punctured through my chest, a sound made up of ribs breaking and lungs collapsing. Blood gushed out. So much blood. I could even feel it trickling across my skin. I was numb for a second or two, then the full impact of pain hit me.

Blood continued to flow endlessly, and I felt my energy draining out with it.

"After you die, Subaru will be very sad, won't he?"

"Y . . . yes, but . . .I hope that Subaru will go on living . . .I know that it is stubborn of me to do this, and my death will make Subaru feel that he is in living hell, but even if so . . .I still want him to go on living. This . . .can be counted as my selfishness . . . But . . .I still want you and Subaru to live."

"Why am I included? I've hurt Subaru and killed you."

"I . . .know, but I don't want you to die too." Because Subaru cannot live without you, and would only die in your hands. He still loved you. I know that you were the most important person to Subaru, so if my death could be exchanged for the life of Subaru or both of you, I was willing.

Please see the meaning of my death, Subaru, and never try to seek revenge. I chose to die so that you two could be together, or at least living. Please . . .if you could hear me; please . . .make my death worthwhile.

"So, I am using my last efforts to create this curse. If you . . .want to use the same method you killed me with to kill Subaru . . .the actions will reverse . . .and you will be killed instead."

"Why are you telling me the contents of the curse you are putting your life into?"

"If I don't say . . .then it would be meaningless . . .I must let you believe, so that you will not activate the spell . . ."

"I'm not a man whom you should trust."

"I know . . . but Subaru thinks that you are the most special person to him, so I want to believe you . . ." I had to believe you. This was the only way I could think of. I knew that it was desperate, but I will want to gamble my life, to believe that you still loved Subaru, no matter who you really were.

"Remember . . .there are unredeemable crimes in the world . . .bet there never is someone who cannot love, Seishirou . . ."

Subaru, please forgive me for my selfish wish that you would go on living, when you never want to face this world again.

I am sorry, Kyou-chan, that I would never have the chance to fulfill my promise, the promise to meet you on that beach in the outside world.

I would never have a chance to know if what I was doing was right. Things in life were unpredictable, yet they had all been pre-destined. Maybe what I as doing was downright useless, but at least I tried. I had given everything I had.

"Su . . .ba . . .ru. . ."

Go on living.

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	4. Saiki Daisuke

_**X Character Profiles**_

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**_Saiki Daisuke_**

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Wind whipped across his face as he ran through the wild grass that was almost half as tall as himself. He ran as fast as he could towards a tiny dot in the whole vast void of grassland.

"Seiichirou-san! Seiichirou-san!" But his shouts died out when he caught sight of the man who was totally indulging himself in the movement of the wind. The boy looked on with admiration and awe.

"That was so great!" he exclaimed after the man noticed him. "You definitely are the person who can control wind the best in our whole clam! I must work harder so that one day, I will be like Seiichirou-san! But how do I do it?"

"Daisuke, why do you want to control the wind?"

"Because I want to be strong! Because I want to protect someone!"

"Is she Hinoto-hime we met at the basement of the Parliament Building? We wind casters will only be given power when we want to protect someone, the one person who is most important to us in our lives. Just with that determination you have, you will become strong. If your heart never wavers, then the wind will forever be your companion."

"Hai!" the boy replied as the determination in him flared.

Wind still whipped across his face and sifted through his hair, but now, it seemed full of encouragement and hidden power.

The power to protect the one most important to him.

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He was always by her side, but his presence was often negligible. He would protect her with his own life, but that, in the eyes of others, seemed so natural. Even he himself also wondered if his efforts were appreciated, but that thought would be soon chased away once he saw her. Then he would realize that no matter he was being appreciated or not, he would still be doing this. He never wanted or expected anything more from her than a relationship of master and servant. To be able to protect her was already his dream come true.

It pained him to see her unable to even sleep, as it was her job to see the future through dreams. He was worried, but could not do anything. He couldn't even voice his anxiety openly, knowing that as his status, it would be rude rather than caring to do that.

Using his life to protect her was the least he could do.

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"You are the 'Kamui' from Dragon of Earth!" He shouted as he summoned the wind, but the power radiating form "Kamui" easily broke through his defense. Blood swirled in the turbulence as he crashed to the ground. "Kamui" was too powerful, and even though he knew that he was no match, he still tried to fight back. Once, twice . . .

Every muscle in his body ached with the strain, and taking a breath was harder than anything he had done before. He could taste blood in his mouth, warm, sticky and bitter, but he refused to give up. Hinoto-hime . . .

Suddenly, a strong swirl of wind surrounded him.

"This must be done by Hinoto. Looks like she wants to bring you back."

He felt a twinge of happiness and contentment just knowing that Hinoto-hime cared enough about him to try to rescue him. Just for this, it was enough to make him use every ounce of energy in his body to protect her, until his soul ran dry.

"Kamui" extended his hand. "If I break this stream of air, your precious princess will be torn apart."

"Y . . . You . . . Stop it!" His yells came out desperate and weak, but he finally stood up again, as the fear of Hinoto-hime dying acted like a whip, hurting him, yet making him stronger.

He ran towards "Kamui" in tottering steps, gather in as much wind as he could and tried one last blow, exerting all his forces into it. And he watched in despair as it bounced off "Kamui" harmlessly.

"Your 'Wish' is to use your life to protect Hinoto-hime, and die for her, then, let me fulfill your 'Wish'."

There was no escape, but he didn't feel scared. All of a sudden, death didn't seem so frightening anymore, because he knew that he was dying for Hinoto-hime. This was the most he could do; this was the least he could do. He closed his eyes, both in contentment and acknowledgement of his own destiny. And in that instant before he died, a faraway voice rang out in his mind, screaming with fear, despair and sadness.

"Saiki-dono!! STOP IT!!!!"

It was her voice. He understood her pain, and felt her tears. In a way, his wish was really fulfilled.

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"Daisuke, why do you want to control the wind?"

"Because I want to protect someone! Because I want to protect the person most important to me!"

Wind whipped across his face, as the determination in the boy's eyes shone brighter than the stars . . .

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	5. Sumeragi Subaru : Stage I

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**_X Character Files _**

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**_Sumeragi Subaru_**

**_Stage I, Age 9 to 23_**

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………………………………**_Part I_**……………………………

"Rain . . .? Red rain . . .?"

Sakura petals drifted down, and I stretched out my hands and caught one. But I also caught a drop of red liquid. It had landed directly on top of the petal. It was still warm.

What was it?

I looked up and saw a man smiling at me. His smile was so nice that I almost smiled back. He had a child about my age in his arms. What was he doing? Why were the red raindrops coming from the child? That couldn't be normal. Was there any way I could help him?

Suddenly, the man pushed the child away from him, as he pulled his hand out from the boy's chest. Blood! The red liquid was blood, wasn't it?! The child . . . he . . . he was dead . . . wasn't he?!

Blood. So much blood . . .It fell, like rain, pouring down . . . That smell. Sickening. Of death. Blood. Death. The child landed on the sakura petals. That sound . . . A dull thud. The body . . . Limp, lifeless. Blood. Still flowing, like river . . . so much blood . . . Dyeing the sakura red. Blood. So much blood . . . Won't stop. Couldn't stop . . . Blood! So much blood! Stop it! Stop . . . stop . . . Darkness . . .

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"The sakura are so beautiful . . ."

"Do you like the sakura?" He asked me.

"Yes!"

"Do you know that there are corpses buried under the sakura trees?"

"Corpses?"

"The sakura can bloom so magnificently every year is because that there are copses buried under them. The sakura petals should be white, as white as snow . . . but they are now pale red. Do you know why? Because they have drunk the blood from those corpses under the tress."

"Then don't those people buried under the trees feel pain?" It must be very painful, to have their blood drank by the tree. Unable to leave, because people could never see them, thus cannot free them. They only saw the beauty of the sakura. But I could hear them, crying out for help, their voices in agony. Their pain so intense that it hurt just by hearing them call. I wanted to help them. That was why I came here in the first place. They were calling me.

"Let's make a 'bet'. When we meet again, I will spend one year with you and try to make myself like you. But only for a year. One year later, if you make me feel that you are 'special', then you win. But if I feel that you are nothing to me at all, just like this corpse," he said motioning to the child lying lifelessly by our feet, "Then I will kill you."

What was he talking about? I should have left here long ago. Grandmother must be looking for me. But . . . I couldn't go. I didn't want to go. I could not leave the spirits here in pain. I could not leave him. He was telling me something, and even if I did not understand what he was saying, I couldn't leave him. I didn't want to leave him just yet.

"So today, I will let you go. I will leave a 'mark' on you, so that I can recognize you later on." And he lifted my hands, kissing the back of each one. A searing pain then shot out form there, numbing my mind. My vision was blurring, darkening, fading . . . Forgetting . . .

"There marks will show that you belong to the Sakurazukamori."

………………………………**_Part II_**……………………………

The shikigami was flying too fast! I was straining to see it in the crowd, let alone follow it. Ah, there it is! Wait! I focused all my attention on the white dove in the sky. It was so close now . . . WAHHH!

Ouch. It sure wasn't fun to fall face-flat on the ground.

"Are you all right?"

I looked up to see a pair of warm, honey brown eyes and a smile. That smile . . . it was so familiar . . . I had seen it before . . .

"Come, let me help you up. My name is Sakurazuka Seishirou. What is yours?"

"Su . . . Sumeragi Subaru."

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Do you hate Tokyo?

The city filled with betrayal, lies, greed, selfishness, loneliness . . . Sins. I saw these almost everyday. These elements were hidden under the tall skyscrapers and lovely houses, under the never fading neon lights and laughter caused by physical enjoyment. The people knew about these hidden things, but they never change. They simply ignored them, avoided them, and indulged themselves in false happiness, blissfully ignorant.

But I couldn't do that. To ensure their "happiness", I had to sooth the anger of those souls and spirits who died, ironically, because of that "happiness". They were the victims of murder, suicide, rape, kidnap, hate and love.

Yes, even love. After it had reached certain intensity, it would drive someone crazy.

I always tried my best to help them, so that they could go in peace. I did that not only because it was my job, but also it hurt so much just listening to them confide their miseries. I knew that no one could totally understand what another person felt, and yet I could be so greatly saddened just by listening to them, then imagine the depth of the original pain. No one should be suffering this much. I had to free them, even if I go hurt in the process. My pain was nothing compared to theirs.

Maybe you would ask if such a city filled with sins was worth protecting.

But like everything else in the world, this city also had its good side. For example, the people's smiles, an expression that only occurred because the person was truly happy. The "smile" that appeared when the person was bleeding inside could never be counted as a smile. Even if I had seen only one smile the whole day, it was enough to remind me that people could still find true happiness in a city like this, and that alone was enough reason for me to protect Tokyo.

Besides, the people I cared for were here. If they weren't, then this city might as well be empty.

I could not lose them, Hokuto-chan and Seishirou-san. They both understood and cared for me, and I liked them both very much too, but there was a slight difference which I couldn't place between what I felt for them. Sometimes I won't tell Hokuto-chan the truth, afraid that she would worry too much, but I didn't need to do that with Seishirou-san, because he always had the right advice for me, and my problems would be more or less solved after that. I just felt so safe and protected around him, and if not for him, I really wont' know where I would be now.

First it was with Ito-san on Tokyo Tower, where he protected me, then it was when he gave me counsels on the nightmare about Mitsuki-san. He also helped take care of Hokuto-chan when I had to exorcize the three girls though the phone, and now, he had just sorted out my worries about how Grandmother and Hokuto-chan would feel if I were to donate my kidney to Yuuya. I could never thank him enough.

I just wished that he and Hokuto-chan would stop making jokes about me marrying him. It's so embarrassing . . .

"Yuuya! Yuuya!" What happened?! I quickly rushed in the direction where the screams were coming from.

"Quick! Go to the operation room! Tell them to prepare for operation immediately!" a doctor ordered, and Yuuya was wheeled out of his hospital ward.

I looked at Yuuya's mother curled up in the center of the room, shaking and sobbing in hysterics. "Madam . . ."

"Yuuya . . . Nobody . . . nobody is willing to donate a kidney . . . Yuuya . . ." she murmured as she stood up wobbly and took the fruit knife on the counter, "need kidney . . . please . . . I beg you to donate a kidney to Yuuya . . ." and all of a sudden, she lunged forward and swung the knife, cutting a gash on my arm.

"Madam! Listen to me! I am willing to . . ."

"YUUYA!" she raised the knife over her head, eyes wild and unfocused, and prepared to strike.

I stopped myself from saying anything that I had wanted to say. If stabbing me could ease her anger, then by all means I would take the blow. I closed my eyes.

CRACK! "Subaru-chan!" I heard Hokuto-chan calling me. What . . . happened? I wasn't hurt . . . and that sound . . .

I opened my eyes and saw Seishirou-san's spectacles lying on the ground, broken. Seishirou-san . . . he was in front of me. Blood spewed out and fell like a drizzle . . . his face . . . half covered in red . . . What happened . . .? Seishirou-san . . .

……………………………………………………………

"Seishirou-san! Seishirou-san! Seishirou-san!" What happened to him?! Would he be all right?! Thud! Thud! Thud! I slammed my fists against the door of the operation room. Open the door! Let me see him! "Seishirou-san!"

"Subaru-chan! Calm down, Subaru-chan!" I dimly heard Hokuto-chan yell, as her voice was overpowered by the chaos of my mind.

"Seishirou-san! Seishirou-san!" Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud! I banded on the doors continuously, wanting to let out at least some of whatever I was feeling. But it didn't work. Maybe I was already too numb to feel, so there was nothing to let out. Yet I still banded on the doors with all my might. Then, perhaps they would open the door and Seishirou-san would come out just fine. I didn't know. I had to do something.

Blood seeped through my gloves and left stains on the doors. Blood, just like the when Seishirou-san was stabbed. If his wound could be wiped away by using all my blood, then I would rather die than have him injured.

"Seishirou-san!" What if . . . what if he never wanted to see me again? What if he didn't like me anymore? What if . . .

"Seishirou-san! Seishirou-san . . ." Please . . . don't . . . "Seishirou-san . . ."

……………………………………………………………

Seishirou-san lost his right eye because of me, and all I had done was hiding in my room, crying and drowning myself in tears. I didn't even dare to apologize, too timid to even think of the consequences if he didn't accept, but I still longed to see him, even if he would chase me out right away. I had no right to beg for his forgiveness, but at least let me make this hopeless attempt.

I stood outside the door of his ward, hesitating, no just too scared to face what lay beyond.

"Go on, Subaru-chan. If he doesn't accept your apology the first time, I would apologize with you until he does."

"Thank you, Hokuto-chan." But was that possible? Finally, I knocked.

"Cone in."

My heart pounded furiously as I walked in, and stopped short as I saw the white gauze around his right. It was all my fault.

"Subaru-kun! How are you? How's school and work? You don't' look too well. Are your jobs recently too stressing? Don't overwork yourself, or else Hokuto-chan will worry."

How . . . How could he act as if nothing ever happened? I made him lose his eye! I used to want him to forgive me, but now, I just hoped that he would shout at me, punish me, to at least let me feel that I was redeeming my mistake. Him acting like this only made me feel more guilty.

"You have a bit of fever," he said, putting his hand against my forehead, "Here's the hospital, so you can let the doctor give you a check-up . . ." Why was he being so nice? I didn't deserve it . . . Tears rolled down my cheeks, as I was unable to suppress the guilt his kindness was bringing.

"Subaru-kun! What has happened? Is it that you don't like your present job? Or are you feeling unwell?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I cried, clutching onto his hand for support.

'Subaru-kun! What is this all about?! Tell me, why are you apologizing?"

"Because . . . your right eye . . ."

"Ah! It's because of this! But why?"

"You . . . you lost it because you were protecting me . . ."

"You're wrong. You didn't cause this. I had allowed this to happen. If you wished me to protect you, then you won't have said to the lady to do whatever she wanted. So I was also just doing whatever I wanted. Subaru-kun, you are not responsible for this at all. Actually, everyone is just doing things for themselves. Even if sometimes people would say that 'how I wished I could do something for that person' but in fact, they only hope that when they see other people being happy, they could have a share of that happiness too. My actions are rather similar to that situation. Although you were definite about letting that lady hurt you, if feel that a 'healthy' you is more important than an 'injured' one, so I interfered. I was thinking you would blame me for that."

He didn't hate me . . . I could still be with him like the way we were before. But . . . even if he didn't hold it against me, I could never forgive myself. It should have been me without an eye now.

"But if you really are so disturbed by tis, perhaps I should ask for some 'payback'." He said as he tilted my chin up to look at him in the eye, "Will you agree to all my requests?"

Without hesitating, I nodded in agreement. I would do anything for him, at any cost. It wasn't because he lost his eye for my sake, but that he was precious to me.

"Then . . . buy me some donuts and ice-cream!"

……………………………………………………………

"Of course, you are a very kind person, and you must be feeling very guilty for making him injured, but from your words, I can see that you really love that person very much . . ." the uncle's words still refused to leave my mind.

"I 'love' him . . .?" but what was love? I had seen people tormented by it, struggling in it, but at the same time, I saw it making people happier than ever. I didn't think that I could find a word to describe that feeling I had seen them shown. I thought it as impossible for me to fall in love, into something I didn't understand, and yet . . .

I didn't know. There was also no reason for it to happen. I knew that he lost his eye for me, but . . . but . . . but when he was hurt, everything else around me just didn't exist anymore. Even Hokuto-chan's yells were only a dim fuzz. I couldn't even remember what I was doing, except feeling extremely worried and scared. Especially scared.

I knew I should be scared of him dying, but that wasn't the case. I was afraid that . . . that he would never want to see me again. It sounded ridiculous. Yet . . . I really feared that . . . he would hate me, because it hurt so much more to think about it. If . . . he really did die, then I probably would go with him, but to think that I won't see him again, that he hated me, then I won't even know what to do. I couldn't die, because he was still here I couldn't go on, because he wasn't in my life anymore. That was what I was afraid of - a life without him.

I was so scared, that he won't like me anymore, because . . . because . . .

"I . . . I love . . . Seishirou-san . . ."

Unconsciously, I had already reached Seishirou-san's hospital room. I didn't try to hide the tearstains on my face. Perhaps it was time to tell him how I felt. Opening the door, I was swept into something that I had never expected.

An endless void of darkness. Nothing below, nothing above, feeling so trapped, yet so small against the vast stretch of darkness that seemed to cover the whole world. Sakura petals drifted in the air, as if glowing compared to the background. They looked so beautiful and ethereal that it was eerie. Seishirou-san and a sakura tree were the only existence.

"Looks like the time has come for us to resolve the 'bet', Sumeragi Subaru."

"Sei . . . Seishirou-san?"

"We are now inside my 'maboroshi'. You and I, it has been a year since our 'reunion', and the promised say has come." He smiled. That smile . . . it wasn't him . . . but so familiar . . .

"Reunion . . .? Promised . . .?"

Seishirou-san wasn't under the tree anymore. Instead, a child stood there. That child . . . it was me, when I was young. That sakura tree, filled with spirits screaming in agony. I had seen this scene in my dreams. And that man . . .

"Take a closer look at who you had met that time."

The honey brown eyes, and that smile . . . "That person . . . is Seishirou-san?"

"Yes. We've already met seven years ago, under this sakura tree. You still can't remember? At that time, what happened and what had you seen under the tree? What had fallen by your feet?"

"A CHILD! But that child . . .! Who . . . Who killed him?!"

Seishirou-san held me from rushing forward, and smiled, "Don't you remember? It was me."

Rain . . . red rain . . . That smile . . . a child, fell onto the ground. Blood! That smell, that sound, that body . . . dead and lifeless, sakura, red sakura. Blood. Death. Blood . . . "Do you like the sakura?"

"How . . . Why . . . is it so . . ." No, it wasn't true. Seishirou-san would never kill anyone, let alone a child. I must be dreaming. It couldn't be true . . . "Is this a 'dreamscape'? Am I dreaming again?"

"No, it's your memory. You appeared at my workplace, and saw me kill." It was false! "I am the 'Sakurazukamori'." False! "I use the onmyouji that you know . . . to kill people." False! "I am an assassin."

"It's not true! If you were the Sakurazukamori, then I would be dead now!"

"It's because of our 'bet'. Do you know why are you wearing gloves?" _These marks will show that you belong to the Sakurazukamori. _Grandmother stared making me wear gloves from that day on, so that no one, absolutely no one, would see my hands.

He hugged me from behind, then lifted my left hand. Light began to shine from beneath the glove, as he silently chanted by my ear. Power cracked in the air and a prickling pain shot out from the back of my hands, cutting right into my heart. The fabric was ripped into shreds, and an inverted pentagram came into full view. He laid a kiss on top of it, the abruptly twisted my arm back with bruising intensity that I was to numb to notice. It hurt, but not as much as what I felt inside.

_One year later, if you make me feel that you are "special", then you win. But if I feel that you are nothing to me at all, then I will kill you._ "Sei . . . shi . . . rou . . . san . . ."

"I don't feel anything, even when I kill. I first killed when I was fifteen, my victim was the last Sakurazukamori, my mother. I didn't feel anything. Even if her blood dyes the whole sea red, I would still feel nothing, and so is it with the other people I killed after that. Nothing special. I have long ceased to try to tell the difference between 'people' and 'object'. Like this," and with a wet snap, I felt shards of bones embedding into my flesh, "To me, breaking your arm is identical to breaking a glass, as corpses are to trash, they are all the same. Perhaps to some degree, this mind set is rather suitable for he Sakurazukamori."

"Sei . . . Seishirou . . . san . . ." How could you say that? It's not the same! The Seishirou-san I knew would never say that! Never! Never . . . It was all a lie . . . If so, you would never have treated me that well . . .

"So I made that 'bet'. If I meet with you again, I will use one year to try to make myself feel that you are 'special'. And in that year, I will pretend to 'like' you, then approach you with that attitude. To stay by your side, watching you, protecting you. If you really make me feel that you are 'special', that you are different from an 'object', then I won't kill you. But looks like it's not working."

Not, it couldn't be true. Maybe . . . maybe if I close my eyes, ten I would wake up to discover that this had all been a bad dream. But a sudden pressure on my broken arm jolted me awake. Pain, the sole anchor that held me to this reality in the illusion, something that I couldn't help but feel, and would never let me go. It hurt, not because of the physical pain I was enduring, but because it was him inflicting the pain. There was no way I could deny this reality anymore.

Truth wasn't always beautiful, and sometimes it hurt more than denial, so those people who chose to hide weren't always stupid. They were all just too tired.

"I still feel nothing, even when I see you in so much pain. To me, this isn't much different from kicking a pebble on the road."

A bitter and salty taste filed my mouth as I coughed, and blood landed in my bare palm before slipping through my fingers. The last thing I touched before I started wearing gloves was blood, and the first thing I touched when the gloves were removed was also blood. Why was there so much bloodshed in the world? What was blood?

Perhaps it was something that only fell when tears were no longer capable of expressing the extent of sorrow.

"So, I have won this 'bet." Tendrils of sakura branches shot out and pulled me into the trunk of the tree, encasing my body in a horrible and sickening coldness of nothingness. "Why don't you fight back? If you use all your powers to retaliate, then you should be able to break my maboroshi," he said with an amused and a mocking expression.

"Sei . . . shi . . . rou-san . . ." Don't you understand? Because you were you, because you were Sakurazuka Seishirou.

"Why do your eyes contain such sadness? Is it because you feel betrayed by me? This type of thing is extremely common in Tokyo. People betraying each other, it happens absolutely everywhere."

No, he didn't betray me, because the Seishirou-san I loved never existed. How could someone who wasn't even there betray you? I didn't even know the man standing in front of me anymore. But it hurt - no, it was far beyond pain – every bit as much, because it was him. He was Seishirou-san.

"Of course, I don't hate you, but neither do I love you. You are just an 'object' that happens to be there, that's all. Goodbye, Sumeragi Subaru."

A crash resounded, and I fell limply to the hospital floor. It didn't really matter what happened, and would happen next, because he was already gone, and would never be back. I once was afraid of him hating me, but now I knew, hate wasn't the worst. It was nothingness, like how he was then, and how I was now.

Everything was in the past tense, as present and future already ceased to exist.

"Sei . . . Sei . . . shirou . . . san . . . I really was . . . in love with you . . ."

………………………………**_Part III_**……………………………

"Seishirou-san! Hokuto-chan! Wait for me!"

"Oi, Subaru-chan, hurry up, or I'll finish eating your favorite pancakes!"

"Don't worry, Subaru-kun, you can have my share."

I laughed and ran towards them. See, Seishirou-san was still here with me, he hadn't disappeared, and he wasn't the Sakurazukamori. They only exist here now, so I wanted to stay here with them.

We settled down under a sakura tree, just like the time when we went to Ueno Park for a picnic. I was so happen then, and I wanted to recapture that. It didn't feel all the same, as if there was still a chunk missing and I couldn't figure out want it was, but this was all I could get now. At least it was better than waking up to the hart reality . . . no, this is now the reality for me.

Suddenly, another sakura tree solidified in front of my eyes. Two figures stood beneath it, the tension thick with hatred and despair. The huge white sleeves of the shikifuku billowed in the air in time with the pink petals, while on the opposite end, the tails of the black suit seemed to control the moments of the petals.

Hokuto-chan . . . Seishirou-san . . . but they were right here, beside me . . . weren't they . . .?

Magic overpowered the tension, as crackles of power gathered on the fingertips of the black figure. They seemed to be saying something, but I was too far away to hear it. The man smiled, a smile so familiar, so wonderful, yet meant nothing at all. It made me want to cry.

The pressure mounted, notch by notch, so intense that it was suffocating. Then with one swift and graceful movement, his hand punctured through her chest. Blood, so round and perfect looking in the air, that even the crystal beads form the broken necklace lost its color. So brilliant that it was sick. I couldn't even move. From horror, or shock . . . or . . .

Why was blood so beautiful? Why could something so cruel be so beautiful? Why . . .

Even before her body could fall to the gourd, her flesh dissipated into sakura petals, gone forever into the wind.

"HOKUTO-CHAN!!" he killed her! He killed her! Give her back! But no matter how far I reached, how fast I ran, I still couldn't get to them. I could only watch, as he turned to smile at me, so cruelly and beautifully, as sakura petals from her body swirled around him. STOP! DON'T SMILE ANYMORE! How could he smile, when his hands were stained with blood, when he had just ended a life?! He had no right to kill . . .

Hokuto-chan was gone, and I could fell apart of me die with her. The part that could make me laugh, that made me believe everything would someday turn out to be fine, that it made me hopeful, that made me happy. All gone. Gone with such an easy action that ended her life.

Why . . . why did he take everything away from me? Why could he take everything away from me?!

"Grandmother, I won't go to school anymore. I will work hard to become even stronger, because right now, I still cannot defeat him," I heard myself say in a voice too quiet and too calm. No more dreams, and no more tears. I was left with nothing but the want for revenge and hated. He made me so.

I hate him. I hate him so much . . .

……………………………………………………………

I had cut my hair. It was unbearable to see her face in the mirror every morning. She died because of me, because I was cowardly hiding within myself, and couldn't even save her. I would rather that he kidded me the time in the hospital, so ht that she won't die to try to protect me. I was weak, wasn't I?

Perhaps that was why Hokuto-chan always wanted me to do something for myself. For myself . . . now all I wanted was revenge. I knew that Grandmother was shattered when I told her I would search for the Sakurazukamori, but this flame of hatred was all I had now, that kept me alive. I couldn't and didn't want to make everyone happy now. There never was a way to do things that would bring happiness to everyone.

I no longer wore the gloves anymore. There was no point.

I started smoking, so that to some extent, I could be equal with him. I didn't want to be weak anymore. I had been so incredibly naïve before that even I myself found it ridiculous when I looked back. If I hadn't been so gullible, so innocent, so weak, then Hokuto-chan won't have died.

Sometimes I wonder if what that little girl said was correct. "People do evil, really, because they are lonely." I wonder if he murdered Hokuto-chan because he was lonely, because the loneliness had already killed him on the inside, had already made him incapable of emotions.

Did he make that 'bet' because he was lonely, and didn't want to be alone anymore?

I guess I would have to ask him someday, the when I had to kill him, when he would finally die because of that loneliness. I would ask him then.

"People do evil, really, because they are lonely."

……………………………………………………………


	6. Sakurazuka Seishirou : Stage I

……………………………………………………………….

**_X Character Profiles_**

****

**_Sakurazuka Seishirou _**

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**_Stage I, Age 15 to 32_**

…………………………………**_Part I_**…………………………….

Snow. Red snow. A corpse lay on the ground.

Who was it?

It didn't matter. It was a corpse, so it might as well be nothing. The new Sakurazukamori smiled. His first kill had been too easy. She would have presented a small challenge if she hadn't turned weak by loving him. But was it really love? Yes, it was, even if it was twisted, it was still love.

Seishirou smiled. "Such foolishness that love can bring," he mused. "It is a lovely thing to be killed by the one you love most, so the person who will kill me will be the one that I love most."

"Did you not realize, mother," he kneeled down and said to the beautiful corpse, "that by letting me be the Sakurazukamori, I will always be alone? Your logic confuses me indeed."

He brushed a kiss on her cold lips, then turned and walked away, never bothering to wipe the blood off his hands.

…………………………………**_Part II_**…………………………….

The child had broken through his maboroshi. It was quite rare for a kid his age to have so much magical powers. Wouldn't it be fun if he were older?

The child looked up at him, large emerald orbs filled with curiosity and concern. His pale ivory skin contrasted deeply with his raven black hair, but they formed a smooth balance. Even the few drops of dark red blood on his innocent face only served to make him more ethereal looking. The miniature set of shikifuku he wore only made him seem more like a porcelain doll. A doll that would break upon touch.

"Beautiful," Seishirou thought, "such a beautiful and fragile object."

And he pushed the corpse away from him and down the tree. The child still stood there, eyes wide, as if unconscious of the things transpiring in front of him. A normal kid would have long bolted away, and Seishirou would have killed him without a second thought. But this child . . . did he not run because he was too sacred to move? Or that he was too innocent to recognize what was happening? Either way, he was different.

"This is the first time someone has seen me kill. What to do with him?"

With a swift motion, he leapt off the tree and blocked the child's eyes, promptly sealing up his memories.

……………………………………………………………….

The child in his arms woke up. He blinked, registering his surroundings, then scrambled up immediately and started apologizing. "I'm sorry that I fainted. I must be very heavy. Thank you fro taking care of me."

Seishirou stared at the boy, and for the first time since he grew up, surprise rippled across his features. He had never thought that this child would be so trusting towards strangers. Especially when he was in a foreign place and with a corpse on the ground beside him. It was still a ridiculous reaction even if his prior memories had been sealed up. Interesting . . .

"The sakura are beautiful . . ." the child exclaimed.

"Do you like the sakura?" Why not make an experiment? Such a prey was hard to come by, and to break it now seemed such a pity. "Do you know that there are corpses buried under the sakura trees?"

"Then don't those people buried under the trees feel pain?" Tears welled up in his expressive emerald eyes, which were now contorted with pain, as if he could really fee the agony of the spirits locked up in the trees. And for the second time that day, Seishirou was shocked. He never would have thought that such a pure creature still existed in the world.

"Let's make a 'bet'. We have the opposite 'hearts'. You are gentle and kind, pure and honest, and you definitely will stay this way, with this beautiful 'heart', until you have grown up." It would be fun and would probably make him less bored, to see this pure thing slowly be tainted, and break into pieces. He would still die eventually, though. Even with the bet, he was sure of it. But could such purity touch him? That was the main thing he wanted to know.

"These marks will show that you belong to the 'Sakurazukamori'." And the unconscious boy fell into his arms.

He realized that by creating this mark, the boy would be bound to him, belong to him, but never did he realize that it was also vice versa, until it was already too late.

Maybe he did realize that, only that he chose to ignore it.

Maybe he was hoping for something.

Who knew?

…………………………………**_Part III_**…………………………….

Do you like Tokyo?

The city, like Babylon, filled with riches and luxuries, of which the people were still not satisfied with. They longed for more, and wanted to be with the God, to live like the God, and so, God abandoned them. Slowly, their resources depleted, due to the great demand for luxury, and then, the city will someday turn into a heap of trash.

And even though the people knew what would happen, they still didn't' change. What that greed? No. Stupidity? No. Selfishness? No. Perhaps it was because they no longer cared if they were living or dead. Perhaps they wanted destruction, so that they could escape. But escape what?

"Yes, I like Tokyo, because it is the only city in the world that walks happily towards destruction."

He knew what they were running away from. It was the darkness in everyone's heart. Wasn't it always the most horrible thing? Weren't humans the most fearsome creature? So was killing a crime, when the whole world was already worthless? Such was his mindset, as he watched more and more people lay dead beneath his feet. So what? They were nothing.

But there was one person who was different from them all, in that his heart had no darkness. Would he also be nothing, or would he be special? It was time to start the "bet".

……………………………………………………………….

He knew, at first sight, that the boy chasing after the shikigami was the prey he had marked a long time ago. He was wearing gloves, but honestly, did the former Sumeragii Clan Head really thought that those would stop the Sakurazukamori? If so, then she had underestimated him greatly. Don't ever underestimate you enemy. It could kill you.

But what about your prey?

Seishirou's predictions had been correct. The boy, Sumeragi Subaru, 13th Head of Sumeragi Clan, was just as pure as he was when he wept for the spirits under the forever-blooming sakura tree seven years ago. So innocent that it because absurd. So king that it made him weak. Seishirou despised that, but found it highly amusing in the same time. The way that Subaru struggled to ensure that everyone would not be hurt, even if it meant he had to use his life to exchange for that, was entertaining.

Just like what Hokuto had said, "Subaru has a bad habit of making other people's emotions his own. When others are sad, he would be sad too; when others are in pain, he would feel even more painful. This isn't hypocritical. This is just how Subaru is. He ahs good feelings for everyone except himself. He treasures anyone and everyone, but he never takes good care of himself. To him, being nice to others come just as easily as breathing. But . . . one day, if Subaru really habours that special king of love towards someone, and that person ends up betraying him . . . then he wild definitely die."

Would he really die? Seishirou would like to find out. Perhaps that, and the bet he made, was the sole reasons as to why he still kept pretending to be the friendly vet. He wanted to know just how far he could push Subaru before he finally broke. So many live had been broken in his hands. Why? Because he enjoyed it.

He always loved fragile things. He loved it even more when he broke them, like dropping a glass ball. It did not mean anything to him when it was perfect in his hands, nor when it lay in pieces on the ground. What he loved was when the ball first came into contact with the ground, the satisfying crack as it began to break, and the moment when it froze, all broken, but not yet falling apart. That was when it was most fragile.

He loved fragile things.

He loved Sumeragi Subaru.

He loved Subaru the way someone would love his possession, the love people would give to an object. But no matter what kind of love it was, the Sumeragi was still his. His prey, his possession, his toy, his obsession . . .

……………………………………………………………….

He had lost his eyes in order to protect Subaru. He lay in the hospital bed and asked himself why.

First, Subaru was his prey, so nobody could hurt him except fro Seishirou himself. It would not do to have someone breaking you toy, would it? Second, he promised that during the bet, he would protect Subaru with all his might. The bet we not over, and that was just part of his act. Because of this bet, he was with Subaru; because of this bet, he never saw Subaru as a person. He was but a form of entertainment, something of slightly more interest than others. And third, Subaru would be more attached to him, so when the promised day finally came, the Sumeragi would break into even more pieces. It always hurt more if you like the person more. That was the sole purpose of the bet, so that someday, he would taint the purest pure, then crush it with his own hands.

That was all there was to it. He thought so, and believed so. But somehow, he didn't blame or hate Subaru for it. It was something he had expected the Sumeragi would do, also he knew pretty well what was going to happen beforehand. Besides, Subaru was not worth him hating.

There was a light knock on the door, and Seishirou sensed Subaru. Time to act again.

"Come in," and like pulling up a mask, he put on his usual friendly smile.

Through his now flat vision, Seishirou observed that Subaru was much paler and frail than when he last saw him, and his eyes reflected his guilty, pain, fear, uncertainly, showing them just as clearly as looking through glass. He was far too innocent and uncanny, totally oblivious to the dangers around him.

Of course, he acted just like how Seishirou though he would. His caring hmade him predictable, his innocence made him gullible, and his kindness made him weak. If this was what total purity looked like, then the bet was getting boring. He might as well get to the best part and end it soon. Besides, Hokuto was getting suspicious.

"Thank you, Sei-chan," she said as she came in, after Subaru rushed out to buy him donuts.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because you forgave Subaru."

"But Subaru-kun didn't do anything at all! What is there for me to forgive?"

"You're becoming more and more of a puzzle. I always thought that you are those type of people who usually wears a smile on their face, but when they want to ignore someone, that smile vanishes completely."

"What makes you think so?"

"Your eyes. Although your eyes are always concealed behind the spectacles, the aura of your gaze is not normal at all. Also, even though that now your eye is wrapped in the gauze, I can still smell the reek of blood. So I really thought that Subaru was going to be eaten by you this time. And Subaru thinks so too, but he has already decided that no matter how you are going to treat him, he will always be willing to bear with it."

Seishirou smiled secretively. But how much could Subaru bear? That was all there was left to find out.

"This is the first time I've seen Subaru so frantic and anxious. Subaru has always been obedient, honest and very soft hearted, and this is the very first time that he panicked to the extent of almost losing himself."

"Subaru-kun is too kind, and no matter what happens, he'll think that it's his fault, and so he blames himself too much. Actually, he will also be this anxious if anyone gets hurt."

"You are wrong! It's only you!"

Seishirou's eyes widened a little. He didn't really think that Subaru would fall in love with him. Who would ever love the Sakurazukamori? Perhaps the boy was just too naive. Perhaps he only loved the mask of the friendly vet Seishirou had made. Yes, that must be it. How could anyone ever truly love the Sakurazukamori?

"To Subaru, you are a very 'special' person. The way he treats you si totally different from the way he treats others. But as for why you are special. I don't think even he himself can tell. But Subaru is about to change . . . So promise me! Don't ever take Subaru far away from me."

Subaru was about to change. Subaru was about to break . . .

……………………………………………………………….

"Sei . . . Seishirou . . . san . . .?"

As soon as Subaru was swept into the maboroshi, things rolled along just as he planned. There was no backing away, no stopping now.

Subaru was breaking, the first piece, as simple as that, when Seishirou showed him the memories.

The second, when he struggled like a trapped bird in Seishirou's arms, trying to deny the truth. His wings were cut by the harsh edges of reality that made up his cage, but he still tried to escape into the illusion, only ending up tattered and torn, with wings bleeding so much that they can no longer fly.

The third, when the pentagrams glowed to life.

The fourth, the fifth, the sixth . . . piece by piece as Seishirou hurt him more and more, both mentally and physically. And yet, Seishirou watched, impassionate, as Subaru's tears sank into the maboroshi, while his blood dripped down Seishirou's hands he was lying there, by the sakura tree, like a broken doll. It was the way he was supposed to be. A perfect, yet broken doll. Seishirou's doll.

This was what Seishirou had been waiting to do for seven years, but now, somehow he couldn't even stir up a trace of excitement in himself. It was even worse than killing. At least there was still adrenaline in the latter, a kind of thrill as he punctured through the warm and beating chest. It was the only thing he could feel, because it was the only thing he was born to do, that reminded him he was alive. But everything ebbed away just a quickly as the muscles encasing his hand hardened.

But now, even as he broke Subaru's arm, stepped and kicked his body, watched as blood seeped through the Sumeragi's fingers, and listened as Subaru uttered his name with so much pain his voice, he still felt nothing.

He was hollow, as if even the last of his emotions was sucked away, and that his love for an object, his love for Subaru, had vanished altogether. He was left with nothingness.

So he continued to smile that empty smile of his.

The tree had engulfed half of Subaru's body, holding him in an upright position, facing Seishirou. Tears and blood had tainted his porcelain cheeks, but still failed to mar its beauty. Instead, the tears only served to make his clear emerald orbs seem even smoother and brighter, and so much more fragile. Beautiful.

This was what Seishirou had wanted to see, had worked towards to see, yet still, he felt empty.

"Why do your eyes contain such sadness?" he asked, with that wonderful smile that meant nothing. Perhaps if there were one thing that he could feel now, he probably would be curious as to why Subaru never retaliated, and only looked at him with eyes that spoke all his pain, sorrow and desperation, yet nothing at all. Subaru had found out about his true identity, so shouldn't he feel hatred, and have all traces of his love swept away? Then why did he not hate, but only torment himself with more anguish? Seishirou didn't understand. But there was no time to anymore.

"Of course, I don't hate you, but neither do I love you. You are just an 'object' that happens to be there, that's all." That must be the reason to his emptiness, because no matter how Subaru reacted, he was still and "object". That must be it. "Goodbye, Sumeragi Subaru."

He poised his hand as magic gathered on his fingertips, and he was ready to strike, to feel blood again.

Crack! A corner of his maboroshi broke, and he saw that all the other members of the Sumeragi Clan had gathered, and were rushing their way to the ward.

He couldn't afford to deal with the whole of the Sumeragi Clan just yet, but he still had enough time to drive his hand through Subaru's chest. It would be over in less than a second.

Yet he jumped out of the window, bringing the maboroshi crashing down with him.

Perhaps it was a hallucination, he retreated into the shadows, he thought he heard the barest whispers of Subaru, carried into his ears by the wind.

"Sei . . . Sei . . . shirou . . . san . . . I really was . . . in love with you . . ."

And he felt something inside him flicker to life.

But it was too late, wasn't it? He smiled.

……………………………………………………………….

Subaru had gone within. He could feel it through the bonds that he tied to the boy seven years ago.

The bet was over, and he had won, but Subaru was still alive. That would not do, would it? Of course not. The Sumeragi was his, and someday, he would kill him. Not now.

He sensed her presence, but neither was he surprised that she managed to find her way to Ueno Park, nor was he shocked as he saw her come in her twin's white shikifuku.

"Didn't I say it before? Don't ever take Subaru to a faraway place."

"Subaru-kun should be in his room right now."

"But . . . you have taken away his heart, and he can never recover again. So I will cast a curse on you, and you can kill me now."

"As you wish." It was a trap, but he didn't care. Without a second thought, he plunged his hand through her chest. If this was how he would feel if he were to kill Subaru, then he had won the bet indeed. But no matter how much she looked like him, she was still not Subaru.

"I . . . wish that . . . Subaru will go on living . . . I wish that . . . both you and Subaru will live . . ."

Why would you want someone who killed you to live? He didn't understand, just as why Subaru did not hate him. Did not only hate him.

"So, I am using my last efforts to create this curse. If you . . . want to use the same method as you killed me to kill Subaru, then the actions will reverse . . . and you will be killed instead . . ."

He smirked. People would always put their trust on anyone when they were desperate, like a drowning person grasping onto a straw for his dear life. And most of the time, he sank even faster. Sometimes, it is hope that leads you towards you destruction, when you hope for something beyond your reach. The more you hope, the greater is the aftermath of despair, and when your hopes are aroused once more, you will only fall even harder. It is like a never-ending cycle of torture that heals you only because it wants you to suffer more pain. And yet, people cannot survive without hope. Such an exquisite torment it is, to hide itself in fake benevolence. That was hwy hope was in Pandora's box.

"Remember . . . there are unredeemable sins in the world . . . but there never is someone who cannot love, Seishirou . . ."

He smiled, empty and bitter. Even if he could love, that could not pay for the sins he had done, and heal the wounds in Subaru's heart. Even if he could love, he could never change who he was, what he was born to be, and dial the time back and pretend that nothing ever happened.

Love was not everything; love was not almighty.

So what if he could love? It was already too late, wasn't it?

He watched as Hokuto died in his arms. Subaru was never going to forgive him for this.

It was too late. He smiled.

……………………………………………………………….

If the whole world were grey, of nothingness, then Subaru would be the only speck of white, the sole remainder of purity; if the whole world were grey, then Seishirou would be the single spot of black, the one that would forever remain in the shadows. It was no surprise that they would be attracted to each other, to marvel at how something so different from themselves could still exist in the world. Each was what the other could never be, and so, they longed for each other. But they could never be together, because they were black and white; and so they fell in love, because they were black and white. And thus, were bound to hurt.

……………………………………………………………….


End file.
